"Not Today!"

I can’t believe it! It’s December and 2014 will be over before we know it. I don’t know about you…but this year was a bit of a hard pill to swallow. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that I didn’t have any fun and it was all bad. I just had some things happen that were…well…tough to get through.

A friend told me “bad things happen to good people”. You ever hear that one?  Did it make you feel any better?  Yeah, me either.

About halfway through the year, one of my precious cats unexpectedly passed away. Soon after, my other cat needed emergency surgery and a kitten I had adopted was diagnosed with a fatal disease and put down. And then I had my own medical issues……

I’m not sharing these things to paint a picture of myself as a victim. I’m leveling with you that I felt completely overwhelmed, powerless and out of control. I wanted to open a door to my life, step outside and just stop. I didn’t want to be responsible anymore.  I wanted to sit…do nothing…and be sad.

But life doesn’t work that way.  The universe doesn’t let you take a break when things get hard.  You don’t get to hand off your responsibilities to someone else when it starts getting uncomfortable being you.

So each morning, I hauled myself out of bed, stiffened my jaw, and fulfilled my commitments…to myself…and the people around me. And I did it over and over again…day after day. Even when it felt like I was just going through the motions and the odds were stacked against me, I kept on. Even though I was convinced the universe must want to see me fail, I stayed true to my commitments.

And as it turned out…it was these same commitments (and of course my cat Tater)…that put me back in touch with my possibilities.

Tater 1

Monday came, Tuesday came, Wednesday came, and as the days and weeks progressed…I started to appreciate what life afforded me. I began to remember what I was capable of creating…powerful possibility, relatedness and play.

I immersed myself in my community, shifting the focus away from my internal battles.  Suddenly fun mattered again…and my smiles felt genuine.

So when the universe came knocking to ask if I had had enough…if I was ready to give up…I answered “Not today!”.


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